One of the most common questions I get from parents is: “What do I do when my kids don’t listen?” Whether it’s ignoring instructions or tuning out completely, dealing with unresponsive kids can feel exasperating.
However, there are effective strategies to encourage better listening skills in children without resorting to frustration or yelling. Here are three tips for handling those moments when your kids aren’t listening:
1. Get Close and Speak Kindly
Instead of raising your voice or yelling from across the room, try getting close to your child and speaking to them in a calm and gentle tone. Children are more likely to pay attention and respond positively when they feel a personal connection with you.
By physically approaching them and speaking kindly, you create a sense of importance and intimacy, showing them that you value what they have to say and expect the same in return. This approach promotes mutual respect and encourages better communication between you and your child.
2. Get Down at Their Level
Standing over your child while giving instructions can feel intimidating to your child and may cause them to shut down or become defensive. Think about it, you are likely already SO much bigger than they are!
Instead, kneel down or sit at their eye level to create a more respectful interaction. Making eye contact helps capture their attention and ensures that they’re focused on what you’re saying. By meeting your child at their level, you create a supportive environment conducive to active listening and understanding.
3. Use Instructive Language and Ask for Confirmation
Rather than simply issuing commands, try using directive statements followed by confirmation from your child. For example, instead of saying, “Clean your room,” you can say, “I need you to clean your room. What do I need you to do?”
This approach encourages active participation and ensures that your child understands the instructions given. By having them repeat it back to you, you confirm their comprehension and reinforce accountability for following through. It also reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings and provides an opportunity for clarification if needed.
We All Deserve Respect
When parents share their frustrations with me about their children’s behavior, there is a mantra I like to keep in mind: “Just like me.” Before you lose your cool when communicating with your child, put yourself in their shoes and play out if you would like to be treated in the same way.
Would you prefer to be yelled at from across the house, or have your child walk up to you and ask for what they need in a calm tone? Maybe they aren’t physically bigger than you, but do you like being talked down to by a boss or other professional? And finally, do you enjoy people commanding you to do things without question, or would you like a chance to make sure you understand what is being asked?
Dealing with unresponsive children can be challenging, but I can assure you that getting close and speaking kindly, establishing eye contact at their level, and using directives followed by confirmation are effective ways to encourage cooperation and mutual respect.
I know my child would prefer me to show love and respect when I speak to them–just like me.
If you would like more resources on how to teach and interact with your children in a positive way, you might enjoy these:
- How to Teach Your Child Respect – Print Shop Resource
- What to Say Instead of Yelling, Part 1 & What to Say Instead of Yelling, Part 2
- 3 Ways to Hold Space for Your Child – Print Shop Resource