My daughter Lucy is graduating from high school today! She is my second child to head off to college. I’ve felt so many emotions this week, but mostly gratitude. Looking back on her childhood, I have learned a lot as a mama! If I were to go back and give my younger self 4 pieces of advice in raising my daughter this is what I would say:
1. So Many Things Just Don’t Matter.
The first thing I would tell younger Ralphie is this: Don’t sweat the little things! We as parents have a finite amount of time and energy every day. You my friend, get to decide what’s big and what’s little. What is worth your time and energy, and what should you just ignore? Not all misbehaviors deserve consequences, like grounding or a timeout. You can’t treat everything like it’s big. If you care about and give attention to EVERYTHING, it’s as though you care about NOTHING. So remember, so many things just don’t matter that much.
2. Don’t Ever Wish Away Any Childhood Phase.
Some days, you might find yourself saying things like, “I can’t wait until they can just dress themselves,” or “Parenting will be so much easier once my child turns 4,” or “If I can just hold on until they’re 12, maybe they will learn more self-control.” The list goes on and on! But if we continue to delay our happiness in parenting, we will miss the magic each phase of childhood holds. My friend, today is not forever! And it never will be. Look for those magic moments in every day with your kiddos, and ignore the rest. It’s a much more happy and joyful way to parent.
3. When I am Calm, Everything is Better.
I would tell myself that I get to decide what our family feels like. What a great responsibility that is! When people in my home are fighting or yelling, I can choose to synchronize to their frustration and let negativity flow freely throughout the house, OR I can hold on to my calm even in tense moments and help my children be calm too. Our homes should be a safe place, and I am the one who creates that environment for my family.
4. Looking for the Good Changes Everyone.
When I use my energy to look for the good in my children, it totally changes my perspective AND my behavior. I can start focusing on even the smallest things that are going right in my home, and showing gratitude for them. And my child feels valued because of their efforts! What miraculously happens with looking for the good is that simultaneously your behavior and your child’s behavior gets better. You both move forward exponentially in the right direction. Look for the good, because pretty soon, it’s all you’ll see.
If you want more resources on how to broaden your perspective in your parenting, you might like these resources:
Loved this! so true and needed! Thanks Ralphie🤍
You are so welcome!
Thank you so much Ralphie for this. I needed to read this today. I have been saying lately “I just wish he would turn 5, just turn 5…” and I’ve been focusing on what is frustrating and exhausting. But I got to read this today and I feel encouraged to re-channel energy to noticing the good and not sweating the small stuff. I am blessed immensely and I have to fight to see that and celebrate that!
There is something to celebrate every day! And I wish I could say there was something magical about a birthday… 🙂 Some days seem heavy, but know that the hard will fade and what you will remember most is how you treated him regardless of any negative behavior. Keep looking for the good!