We all know that kids getting mad is a normal part of growing up. But knowing how to handle those moments can be tough. Anger is a big feeling, and kids often don’t know what to do with it!
That’s where we, as parents, come in. We can help our children learn to manage their anger in healthy ways. Here are eight tips on what to do when your kids get mad, along with a great resource to make this process easier.
1. Stay Calm and Listen
The first step is to stay in control of yourself. It can be challenging when your child is yelling or throwing a tantrum, but staying calm and holding space shows them how to handle their own anger. Take deep breaths and keep your voice steady. Then, listen to what your child is saying. Sometimes, just feeling heard can help them start to calm down.
2. Validate Their Feelings
Let your child know that it’s okay to feel mad. Everyone gets angry sometimes. Use phrases like, “I see that you’re really upset,” or, “It’s okay to feel mad.” This helps them understand that their feelings are normal, and it’s the behavior that comes from that emotion that we need to work on.
3. Teach Them to Identify and Name Their Emotions
One of the best ways to help kids manage their anger is to teach them to identify and name their emotions. Included in this month’s Teach Me How resource, “What to Do with the Mad That I Feel: Learning to Manage Those Big Feelings,” is a Mad Scale, which helps kids identify how angry they are and to put words to their feelings.
4. Introduce Calm Down Techniques
In this same resource, you will find 16 Calm Down cards, which are a fantastic tool to have on hand. These cards offer simple, practical ideas for kids to calm down when they’re mad. Some examples include taking deep breaths, counting to ten, punching a pillow, or ripping some paper. By giving kids these tools, we give them choices to take control of their emotions.
5. Encourage Physical Activity
Sometimes, kids just need to burn off some steam! Physical activity can be a great way to release pent-up energy and frustration. Two other ideas included in the Calm Down Cards are to throw or bounce a ball outside, or to take a walk. You know I am a huge advocate of moving your body to change your emotion, so proactively encourage your child to run around outside, jump on a trampoline, or even have a dance party in the living room.
6. Model Healthy Ways to Deal with Anger
Children learn so much by watching us. Show them healthy ways to handle anger by modeling calm behavior in yourself. Let them see you take deep breaths, say, “I need a minute,” or walk away from a tense situation.
7. Create a Safe Space for Calm Down Time
Having a designated calm-down area in your home can be very helpful. This space can have pillows, books, and the calm down cards from the “What to Do With the Mad That You Feel” resource. When your child is feeling mad, encourage them to go to this space to cool off.
8. Follow Up with a Conversation
Once your child has calmed down, talk about what happened. Discuss why they got mad and what they did well to handle their anger, or what they can do differently next time. This helps them learn from the experience and understand that anger is something they can manage.
Helping kids learn to manage their anger is an ongoing process. With patience, understanding, and the right tools, we can guide our children to handle their big feelings in healthy ways. This month’s Teach Me How resource, “What to Do with the Mad That I Feel: Learning to Manage Those Big Feelings,” is a great starting point. Get your copy today! Together, we can help our kids tame their anger and grow into emotionally healthy individuals.
If you would like more resources on how to teach your children skills, check out these printables: