10 Ways to Hold Space for Your Child

One of the most powerful things we can do as parents is to simply hold space for our children. In tense situations, holding space for calm allows children to regulate more quickly, slow their heart rate down, and adopt their parent’s calm emotion. Here are ten doable ways to hold space for your child:

1. Be Fully Present

When your child is sharing something important with you, be fully present. Put down your phone, turn off the TV, and give them your undivided attention. Ask, “How can I support you?” This simple question shows that you are there for them and willing to help in any way they need.

2. Listen Well

Listening well is more than just hearing words; it’s staying focused with a goal to understand your child. Don’t try to fix anything just yet, just take in what they have to say, even if it’s hard to hear. “Tell me how you are feeling, I want to hear.”

3. Validate How They Feel

Children need to know that their feelings are valid, even if they seem trivial to us. If your child says they’re upset about something, respond with, “That’s not silly at all.” This reassures them that their emotions are legitimate and important.

hold space for child

4. Withhold Judgment

It’s so easy to jump to conclusions or offer advice when your child makes a mistake. After all, you have much more experience at your age! Instead, hold space for them. Try saying, “It’s okay to feel sad about making a mistake.” This allows them to process their feelings without fear of criticism.

5. Hold Onto Your Calm in Chaotic Spaces

Children can create quite a bit of chaos, whether it’s a messy bedroom or a noisy argument with a sibling. Enter these spaces with calmness. Ask, “Can you help me understand what happened to your bedroom?” This approach shows curiosity on your part, and it will prevent them from feeling defensive and accused.

6. Encourage Them

I say this all the time, but children thrive on encouragement! Look for the positive and let them know you believe in them by saying, “You can do anything you set your mind to.” This boosts their confidence and shows your unwavering support.

7. Hold Them

Physical touch can be incredibly reassuring. Hold your child close and say, “I love holding you so you feel safe.” This simple act of affection can make them feel secure and loved.

hold space for child

8. Respect Each Stage of Development

Children grow and develop at their own pace. Concepts that seem simple to an adult can be hard for a child to grasp. Respect where they are by saying something like, “It’s okay if you don’t feel ready to go to sleep, but it’s still important for your body to rest.” This respects their feelings while gently guiding them toward positive behaviors.

9. Remain Unruffled by Negative Behavior

When your child is throwing a tantrum, it’s easy to get upset yourself. Instead, go about your life calmly. If they’re screaming while you’re cooking, say, “I need to stir this soup, but I’ll be back in a minute.” This shows that their behavior doesn’t control your emotions, creating a stable environment for them to calm down.

10. Do Nothing

Sometimes, the best way to hold space is to do nothing at all! And this can be the hardest of all. For example, when children are working through conflicts, it’s okay to let them try to solve it on their own. You can say to yourself, “It sounds like the girls are working hard to solve a problem. I’ll be here if they need any help.” This teaches them problem-solving skills and independence.

Holding space for your child is about creating an environment where they feel heard, supported, and loved. It’s about being present without trying to fix everything. Try one of these ways, and see how it deepens the connection with your child. 

If you would like more scripts and examples of how to hold space for your child, check out my “3 Ways to Hold Space” resource.

If you would like more resources on how to Hold Space for your child, you might enjoy these resources:

Scroll to Top