I have a friend who is very much a “go-getter.” She is a productive, extroverted ball of energy, and I love that about her! She stays busy with her family and her work, always pouring 110% of herself into whatever she does.
But one day I caught myself thinking, “Wow, if only I had that kind of energy. I could get so much more done!” Little did I know that not too long after, I heard that this same friend had been having similar thoughts about me. Thoughts like, “I admire Ralphie so much. I wish I could slow down and be more present and intentional like she is.”
What??
I do not share this story to elevate myself or my friend, but rather to illustrate that BOTH are good. BOTH of us are purposeful mothers who enhance the lives of our children with our distinct personalities.
So how do we utilize our personalities in the best possible way to provide the best life we can for our children? Here are three steps to help you as you identify and embrace the type of mother that YOU are.
Step 1: Identify What Type of Mom You Are
If you’re not sure what kind of mom you are, make a list of the interests and hobbies you have. Do you like to read? Craft? Do DIY projects? Play an instrument? Bake? Be outside? Be involved in the community? Host events? Ultimately, what brings YOU the most joy?
The activities that bring you the most joy oftentimes require little effort on your part. You are probably naturally good at them, or you find joy in the amount of mental strain required to participate at all! Identify your natural talents, and find ways to bring those into your motherhood.
If you feel so deep in the trenches of motherhood that you don’t remember any hobbies you used to have, this calls for some serious reflection! You deserve to invest in yourself, or you won’t have a reservoir to draw from to take care of others. There have been multiple studies done where the research shows that the happiness of a mother in the family is the single most important factor that contributes to both the family’s stability, and her childrens’ ability to thrive as adults.
Step 2: Don’t Compare, Celebrate the Mom You Are!
It’s easy to look at other moms and feel like you’re falling short. You’ve heard it before, but I truly believe that “comparison is the thief of joy.” Maybe one mom always packs Pinterest-worthy lunches, while another seems to juggle work, parenting, and hobbies effortlessly. Remember, social media doesn’t help! Scrolling through perfectly curated snapshots of family life can make anyone feel inadequate (might I suggest taking a break?). But here’s the truth: comparing yourself to other moms only steals your joy and blinds you to your own unique strengths.
Every mom has her own story, her own challenges, and her own way of loving her children. What works for one family might not work for yours, and that’s okay! Your kids don’t need the perfect mom—they need YOU. They need the mom who knows their favorite bedtime story, who understands their quirks, and who loves them deeply in her own way.
Remember, behind every seemingly perfect mom is a real person with struggles and insecurities. Just like you, they have moments of doubt and days where nothing goes as planned. And behind every mom you view as “perfect” in some area, there are costs associated, whether tangible or not. What matters most isn’t being like anyone else—it’s being the mom your child needs, flaws and all! Let go of comparisons and create space to enjoy the unique beauty of your own parenting journey.
Step 3: Find Opportunities to Use Your Unique Skills
Here’s another phrase I love: “It takes a village to raise a child.” Maybe the original author of this quote was referring to the sheer effort and the need to share the load of bringing a child through all stages of development, but I also see it as a matter of how our unique, individual skills can come together to help shape a childhood.
I think you’d be surprised how people are willing to help share their knowledge and talents! Here are some examples of skills that might seem “unimportant” to a member of the village that actually benefit others in a big way:
- Your gardener friend teaches your daughter about flowers and how to take care of them.
- Your friend played soccer in high school and volunteers to coach her son (and your son’s!) team.
- An elderly woman in your neighborhood teaches your daughter to crochet.
- A local artist holds a free training on different art mediums and how to use them, and your kids get to attend!
- Your friend has taught piano lessons for decades and has openings to teach your kids.
Final Thoughts
Every mother’s journey is different, and that’s what makes parenting so beautifully diverse. There is not one right way to raise a child! What matters most is not how your motherhood looks compared to someone else’s, but how it feels for you and your family. Your kids don’t need perfection—they need you. When you focus on the connection, love, and effort you bring to your role, you’ll realize that your way of parenting is more than enough.
If you would like to see other posts to help in your motherhood journey, you might like these posts: