Sibling rivalry, squabbles, fights- they all mean the same thing and teach your children important life lessons.
“You’re dumb!”
“Oh yeah! Well, at least I know how to be nice to people. You only know how to be mean!”
Sound familiar?
Let’s get into the truth about sibling rivalry and the good it is doing in your family.
Truth About Fighting
Real Talk: Sibling rivalry is virtually characteristic of ALL children and in ALL families where siblings are present.
Studies have even shown that sibling conflict is present in homes 10 minutes out of every hour.
The only real way to get rid of sibling rivalry is to get rid of the siblings!
But thankfully, our goal should not be to get rid of the fighting (or the siblings), and we shouldn’t want to.
Why? Because it’s such an important part of life.
It allows our children to learn about reality, the push and pull of relationships, and where people’s limits are.
Valuable Lessons from Sibling Rivalry
In my parenting classes, I shock everyone by saying that I am an advocate for sibling rivalry!
And the reason is that they are learning so much while they argue and struggle.
What does a child learn while she is arguing with her sibling?
She’s learning how to:
- make correct social behavior decisions. How far can she push an agenda before it’s no longer socially comfortable?
- bond with a sibling. Arguing is a very important part of the bonding process. I love my sisters and we fought quite a bit growing up. Don’t let your poor memory allow you to think you have a clear conscience.
- resolve conflict. Sibling rivalry gives a child lots and lots of practice with how to resolve a disagreement. Should she compromise, walk away, redirect attention, or ignore the instigator? And which solution works best in which situation? All of this can be learned while arguing over barbie dolls.
- endure when life gets hard. She learns to dig her heels in and power through. To grin and bear it or dig deep and push back.
- forgive and move on. Letting things go and not always being right is such an important skill to learn. Allow your child to learn how to forgive by letting an argument take its course and have closure.
Sibling Rivalry
So please, don’t be a thief to your children.
Don’t steal their opportunities to learn many important skills and to bond with their sibling. As long as there isn’t potential for bodily harm, walk away. Don’t give that behavior even a second of your time.
Think to yourself, “They feel safe and they are learning.”
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