There are birthdays… and then there are moments that shape who a child becomes.
A few weeks ago I shared that Nell was turning 16, and we were celebrating her with a “Coming of Age” brunch. So many of you asked for more details about this tradition that has become one of the most meaningful things we do as a family.
What is a “Coming of Age” Event?
In our family, when a child turns 16, they choose a group of adult mentors to invite to a special meal. These are people who have played an important role in their life—teachers, coaches, family friends, leaders, aunts, neighbors—anyone who has supported and influenced them along the way.
Each mentor brings a letter written just for them. In these letters they share:
- What it means to be a strong woman
- The qualities they see in her
- Advice for the years ahead
- And why they love her
During the meal, they take turns reading their letters aloud.
This tradition started with our oldest daughter, Erin, who is now 22. Then we did it for Lucy. And now it’s Nell’s turn. Each time we do this, I feel so grateful for the women in my daughters’ lives. Because the truth is… I could not do this alone!
Why Teenagers Need This
Every time we host one of these gatherings, I have the same thought: Every teenager needs this.
Imagine being 16 and sitting in a room full of adults you admire, listening to them tell you what they see in you.
Your courage.
Your kindness.
Your potential.
Your goodness.
Adolescence can be such a confusing time. Teenagers are trying to figure out who they are and where they belong. Hearing these truths from trusted adults can anchor them in a powerful way.
When Nell left that brunch, she won’t just have memories. She’ll have letters she can read again and again whenever she needs encouragement.
And she’ll know something important: She has a village.
There is something so powerful about other trusted adults stepping into your kids’ lives and saying:
“I see you.”
“I believe in you.”
“You matter.”
This tradition reminds our teenagers that they are surrounded by people who care deeply about who they are becoming.
FAQs About Our Coming of Age Event
What would you do with a boy?
I’ve had friends host a fire pit with roasted hot dogs and marshmallows, inviting a circle of male mentors. Each man shares words of wisdom and why they believe in that boy.
Do you also have a birthday party?
No—this IS the birthday party.
Do you invite teenage friends?
Not for this one. This gathering is just for adult mentors who can speak encouragement and wisdom into their life.
Why This Matters
Sixteen is such an important age. Teenagers are beginning to step into adulthood and make bigger decisions.
Moments like this remind them they don’t have to do it alone.
They have people who see their goodness.
People who are cheering for them!
People who will walk beside them.
And when a teenager knows they are loved, supported, and believed in… it can change their life.
If you want more resources about family traditions that build confidence, you might like these resources:
- Our Favorite Back to School Tradition
- Things I Love About You Placemats – Print Shop Resource