How can you help your family form healthy boundaries with screens? Here are 5 things to consider to keep the message positive and model boundaries as a parent.
Statistics say that 77% of parents today feel like raising their children is harder than it was before.
The number one reason that they say this is because of… you guessed it. Technology.
But, wait.
What’s interesting is that kids today say that the number one thing that they wish they could change about technology is that their parents would get off their own phones.
How interesting that as parents, we are strongly modeling behaviors and habits that we do not want to see in our children.
How Screens Affect Our Parenting
To put it bluntly. They distract us and make it harder. Research has found that kids whose parents are absorbed in their devices are likelier to be loud, act silly, and produce attention-seeking junk behavior.
Why?
Because when children have to compete with their parent’s phones for attention, they will do whatever it takes. And usually, it is the junk behaviors that they KNOW will push your buttons and get them noticed.
Children are creating MORE junk behaviors because their parents are on their phones.
And parents are MORE irritable and impatient because they were interrupted on their phones.
Both elements make intentional, positive parenting much more difficult. And it creates a terrible cycle of us not really being present with our family.
5 Steps to Positive Boundaries With Screens For Everyone
Here are 5 things I want you to consider if you have screens and people who use them in your home.
It is essential that everything is done with consideration of the whole family. Involved everyone when deciding what screen usage will look like in your home.
1. Decide want your family culture to feel like.
Family culture develops whether we pay attention to it or not, so we might as well do it on purpose. Write it down as a family, and make deliberate decisions about how your family behaves.
2. What positive boundaries are you CAPABLE of holding?
Be wise, because you’re not only going to have to hold them for your child, but for yourself too. So, decide intentionally which boundaries you CAN hold.
Ex: No screens at mealtimes, bedrooms are screen-free zones, phone charging zone in the kitchen, phones are away when friends are over, etc.
3. Decide when there will be screen time, and when there will NOT be screen time.
Make a decision as a family for specific times and places where screens are acceptable (family movie night) and where they are designated as ‘not available’.
Might I suggest family meals and family events be designated screen-free?
4. Write down your plan and display it somewhere for everyone to see.
That way, when we are having struggles and we have to reteach, we just point to the plan and we reboot and reset.
And can you imagine the joy a child will feel when they can gently point to the list to remind YOU of a boundary you set?
5. Be okay with unstructured time.
I feel like I am such a champion for play.
Repeat after me “play is enough!”
By limiting screen time, we make sure that our child is building a healthy balanced diet of play. And we are protecting them from stealing away from that physical, social, creative playtime.
Boredom is one of the most beautiful things we can give our children and ourselves. How much extra time will you have to dedicate to books, hobbies, adventures, skills, or neglected friendships?
As I’m sure you know, everything I teach I am learning too.
I also have kids, teens, screens, and struggles. I hope the above guidelines will help you create healthy boundaries in your home.
If you want to learn more about screens and our children, check out these favorite resources.
- “Why Parents Really Need to Put Down Their Phones”
- my favorite book on this subject, “Reset Your Child’s Brain” by Victoria L. Dunckley
- watch my highlight videos on Instagram “screens” “teens” and “awake.”