We just celebrated Sybil’s 8th birthday last week. In honor of her special day, I’m sharing with you one of our family’s favorite, meaningful birthday traditions: the no-present birthday party.
Reasons for a No-Present Party
There were two main reasons why I decided as a parent to intentionally choose no-present birthday parties:
- I am a minimalist and love keeping our toy room very simple to encourage creative play. I believe that a child’s most important work is play, and that work is often hindered by too many toys. What is so counterintuitive for adults is that the fewer the toys, the deeper the learning and creativity. See my article here that talks much more about that.
- I really wanted my children to understand that celebrations are about feeling joy in friendship and life, and really have nothing to do with tangible gifts. Presents will come and go, but the relationships we build and the good we add to the world can last a lifetime.
Does this sound harsh?
Remember, we are the protectors in our children’s lives. We are the grown-ups. We can say no to entitlement and overwhelming options. It is our responsibility to protect their environment, their true sense of identity, and value. We can say yes to simplifying.
From Minimal to Meaningful
When we began sending out invitations for parties, with the line “no presents please”, sweet mamas would send notes back begging to bring SOMETHING! They wanted to celebrate my little girl and I completely understood.
Showing up to a child’s birthday party empty-handed does feel somewhat unnatural and impolite.
So we took a step back and decided to change our way of thinking.
What if instead of focusing on the LACK of gifts, we focused on the ABUNDANCE of good we could do in our community?
We would come up with a way to serve and then ask those invited to help us.
We realized that instead of asking for our party guests to come empty-handed, we could ask them to bring something to contribute. Each child would have a part to play.
Planning a No-Present Party
You might also feel the pull to add more meaning to your child’s birthday parties. But if you’ve never hosted a party like this, how do you know where to start?
- Discuss with the birthday child the most exciting and meaningful way they want to serve with their friends. A trip to the animal shelter would be a no-brainer for an animal lover. (See our list below for our proven favorite ideas).
- Make a list of all the items you will need to make the party a success.
- When you write out your party invitations, explain what you have planned and that instead of birthday gifts, you are requesting they bring an item or two to contribute. You can either ask each guest to bring specific items, or provide a list and ask that when they RSVP, they tell you what they are bringing.
Nervous about what to say in the invitation? Here are some ideas-
“In celebration of Sybil’s 8 years of life, she wants to spend the day performing 8 acts of service. We would love it if you could come along for the fun! Instead of bringing a gift, please choose and bring something from the list below.”
“This birthday party is going to the dogs, literally! Because of Nell’s adoration of puppies, this year for her birthday we will be celebrating by collecting donations for our favorite animal shelter. Instead of a gift for Nell, please bring an item or two from the list below.”
Service Project Party Ideas
Remember, a service project birthday party is more than just dropping things off. Call ahead where you would like to make a donation. Check if they have any pressing needs. If possible, schedule a time the party can receive a tour or help out in some way.
Do the dogs need to be walked at the shelter? Would the assisted living center enjoy cards delivered during lunch? If at all possible, allow the children to be involved and really feel like they are making a difference.
Here are some of my favorite meaningful party ideas:
- Random acts of kindness
- ask guests to bring: a box of doughnuts for the firemen and/or hospital staff, trash bags and gloves for cleaning up the park, sidewalk chalk to write encouraging notes on driveways, flowers to deliver to a sick neighbor, etc.
- Children’s home book donations
- ask guests to bring: their favorite children’s book (new or in good, used condition)
- Foodbank donations
- ask guests to bring: shelf-stable and non-perishable goods. See the list here for specific suggestions about what to donate and what to avoid.
- Women’s Shelter donations
- ask guests to bring: gently used toys, books, new packs of socks and underwear (women and kids), baby diapers and wipes, etc. You can search the wishlists of your local shelters HERE.
- School supplies drive for children in Africa
- ask guests to bring: items from this supplied list, and/or money to cover the shipping costs
- Cards or crafts for an assisted living center
- ask guests to bring: cardstock, construction paper, stickers, markers, envelopes, and miscellaneous craft supplies. I’m thinking of painting birdhouses, making necklaces, or creating window art.
- Visit an animal shelter
- ask the guests to bring: cat and dog treats, cat and dog food, new or gently used blankets, and towels, pet toys, kitty litter.
Benefits of a No-Present Birthday Party
What could be better than a pile of birthday presents?
Remember, if you overwhelm them with stuff (choices and more choices) before they are ready, they will only conclude that the way to really be happy is to have MORE. These feelings invite tantrums, whining, sibling rivalry, and all the other behaviors that drive us crazy.
What a gift it is to create a space for the task of childhood.
Though our children have not always been super keen on the idea, I really believe that it’s our job as parents to help them get over those bumps and so they end up in a place with lots of long-term joy and happiness. Getting there is a process and it always will be.
After each party, we have had the most wonderful experiences dropping off donations.
- Orphans sang happy birthday to our 5-year-old and invited us to have dinner with them.
- The manager of the food bank gave us a tour and let my daughter see the families that are blessed by the donations.
- We even received pictures of children from Uganda with a sign saying “thank you” for the donations collected.
Those are the kinds of forever presents I want my children to have. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate a beautiful life than to give back.
I love celebrating the gift of their life by using the day to do good. To show them that the world can be made a better place because of their existence in it.
Would you ever change to a present-free birthday party?
If you want more tools to be an intentional parent, you might also like these other resources.