Our “No Sleepovers” Rule
I know this might be a hot topic, but our family is a “no sleepover” family. We decided this long ago, when the girls were little.
They would never go to sleepovers. We would never have sleepovers at our house. We based this decision on statistics, research, and what we felt was right for our family.
Some Shocking Statistics
- At least 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 20 boys experience sexual abuse in childhood. (cdc.gov)
- About 90% of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows and trusts—not a stranger. (cdc.gov)
- Less than 10% of abuse involves strangers. (cdc.gov)
- Large epidemiological studies show ~25–27% of women and ~16% of men report childhood sexual abuse. (National Library of Medicine)
- Abuse often begins in childhood and early adolescence, with median reported ages around 9 years old. (Children’s Advocacy Center)
As a parent of four daughters, these statistics are gut-wrenching. With five girls in our household, including me, statistics suggest one of my daughters could face sexual abuse. And, when our children are in the care of someone we trust, they are still at significant risk!
How Sleepovers Play Into This
Sleepovers introduce additional risks beyond potential abuse. Late at night, children’s cognitive functions are not at their best, and their ability to make good decisions is weaker. During these hours, they more likely encounter “domains of risk,” including pornography, drugs, alcohol, sex, and crime.
Let’s share some stats about pornography:
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- The average age of first exposure to pornography is around 11–12 years old. (Psychology Today)
- A large national study found that 73% of teens ages 13–17 have consumed pornography. It is also found that over half were exposed by age 13. (Common Sense Media)
- By age 17, about 75% of teens have seen pornography. (Common Sense Media)
- Many exposures are not intentional. Studies show a significant portion of teens report accidental exposure. This can happen through social media, pop-ups, or shared devices. (InternetSafety101)
And here’s the part that often surprises parents: this exposure is rarely happening in isolation. It often happens in groups, at a friend’s house, on someone else’s device, and when supervision is low.
No Need to Add More Risk
Removing all risk from your child’s life is impossible. But, it should still be our goal as parents not to add risks to our children’s lives. Preventing them from becoming victims isn’t the only concern. Guiding them away from situations where they might make harmful decisions when you’re not there also matters.
And here’s the truth: sleepovers can be fun. But there is no clear proof they strengthen relationships more than other activities. In fact, there are many alternatives that can provide fun and memorable experiences without the associated risks! Here are some options we like to do in our household:
Alternatives to Sleepovers
- Have a “Late Over” or a “Late Night”: Invite friends over for a fun evening, but have them head home before bedtime.
- Have a “Sleep Under”: Have a pretend sleepover with your pj’s and all the fun activities, but then go sleep in the comfort and safety of your own home.
- Have a Breakfast Bash: Host a morning breakfast or brunch with delicious food and fun activities. You can even have different themes for the dress code, like pajamas or the color pink.
- Have a Themed Party: Organize other events like a murder mystery dinner, a movie marathon, or other themed get-togethers that keep kids engaged and entertained.
We understand that every family is different, and other parents might make different choices. But I do ask that whatever decision you make, you do it prayerfully, purposefully, and deliberately. What’s important is that you make each decision with love and carefully consider your child’s safety and well-being.
If you want to learn more about how to keep your children safe physically and emotionally, you might like these resources: