Joy in motherhood is possible when we let go of perfection, celebrate our unique strengths, and stop comparing ourselves to others.
Mother Teresa, who was surrounded by pain and death, said “The best way to show my gratitude is to accept everything, even my problems, with joy.”
The important distinction between joy and happiness is that we can feel joy even when there is a negative emotion present.
As mothers, there is so much about our circumstances and environment that we cannot control, but we can intentionally choose joy by forgetting perfection, celebrating strengths, and stopping comparison.
1. Forget The Perfection Myth
One of the most beautiful parts of my work is the many mothers I have contact with each day.
I speak with new moms, veteran moms, and every variation of in-between moms.
These mothers are often weighed down by the pressure, both internal and external, to be “perfect” mothers.
They want to know why they don’t have the energy or capability to excel in each and every area of motherhood.
How can they…
- serve nutritious meals their kids will eat?
- stop the toddler from biting?
- stop yelling?
- convince their kids help around the house?
- send their kids to school well-groomed and dressed each day?
They fear they are failing and their children will be hurt by their shortcomings.
Something my wise mother said always comes to mind,
“Being imperfect is part of being a perfect mom.”
It has been shown time and time again, that good enough mothers make plenty of human mistakes and still raise healthy and emotionally resilient children.
Good enough is truly good enough.
Perfection is never required.
2. Celebrate Strengths
I invite you to explore the hashtag #iamthiskindofmom on Instagram.
As you do, you will be introduced to hundreds of mothers who are celebrating their own personal idea of motherhood.
It is truly breathtaking to witness.
Why is this important?
I believe that for a woman to choose joy in motherhood, she must first understand what kind of mother she is.
And I don’t mean an arbitrary rating, grading, or rubric system! We are not looking for “perfect” or “A+” or 5-stars!”.
So what kind of mom are you?
Here are some questions you can think about to guide you:
- What unique talents, gifts, or interests do you bring to your motherhood?
- What is your favorite way to connect with your kids?
- How do you choose to spend your time in motherhood?
- What small, simple parts of motherhood bring you joy?
- What do you intentionally let go of in motherhood, even though many others don’t?
As you answer these questions, they should help reveal the kind of mother you are.
I give you permission to embrace the parts of motherhood that feel magical to you, and intentionally disregard the rest.
Remember, good moms do what they are good at.
What Kind of Mom am I?
I am not a crafty mom.
I am not an adventure mom.
But I am an “I love you completely” mom.
And a make a complete idiot out of myself to get a laugh kind of mom.
I am the kind of mom who makes lots of mistakes and says, “I’m sorry. I’m learning too. Thank you for teaching me.”
I am not an open-door policy mom.
I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants mom.
But I am the kind of mom who dances in the kitchen to get positive momentum going so that everyone will clean together.
And I’m the kind of mom who always craves simplicity. I say no to over-scheduling and yes to home life.
Knowing all of this helps me disregard any “shoulds” I might be feeling and instead lean into what I am good at. And when I celebrate my strengths, my children and family get the best of me.
The greatest gift you can ever give your children is a mother who loves herself and her life. Embrace your kind of motherhood.
3. Stop Comparison
The best way to deny yourself of joy and fulfillment in your motherhood is to compare your life to someone else.
Who does that serve? No one.
What good does it do? Nothing.
Here’s the truth. While we’re comparing ourselves to others, we’re missing what’s right in front of us.
Our life.
We know we can’t be great at all the same things at the same time. That would be boring.
We know that children thrive in all kinds of homes. So why do we feel bad if we’re not the same?
Motherhood is a sacred privilege. It creates a sisterhood that is bound by strengths and weaknesses.
Let’s celebrate who we are as mothers while also cheering on the other mothers in our lives who mother completely different than we do!
We need women around us who are confident in their diversity of skills and experiences and who love their lives.
Loving who you are, rather than looking for who you are not is the fastest road to loving your life. And that’s the greatest gift you can give your family.
Choose Joy in Motherhood
I challenge you to not just be okay with how you mother, but CELEBRATE it.
The world needs a mother like you.
Your children need a mother like you.
You don’t have to be perfect, but you can be perfectly yourself.
No sure how to discover your strengths and define your motherhood? I invite you to spend some time journaling and thinking about who you are as a mother and how your uniqueness can bless the lives of your children.
If you want to learn more about your power as a parent, you might also like these other resources.
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